Canada
by the forgotten fate
Summary: What if Duo was Canadian? Duo takes the boys to Canada for a SPOOF of canadian culture. please dont flame me and dont ask me dum do you live in an igloo questions. RR


Disclaimer: I don't own gundam wing blah, blah, blah. I got a 'mission' from my friend Lex giving be the basic plot so don't blame me for anything that goes on . She thinks of the plot I just write the fic. Ok this is rated PG-13 for swearing and it's a little OOC. This is a SPOOF of Canadian culture please do not email me asking dum questions ( I do not live in an igloo, I don't own a dog sled, and I don't know 'Bob From Canada' although I'm sure he's really nice) and all you Canadians out there please don't flame me I'm Canadian too! I love you guys!!! So for all the Canadians out there this ones for you ^-^  
  
CANADA  
  
A giggle escaped the lips of the sleeping pilot. He smiled and gurgled a drop of salvia oozed down to dribble on his pillow. Heero rolled over and opened his eyes only to be met by a pair of huge, orange teeth.  
  
"Ahhhhhh" He screamed as he vaulted out of bed. Heero peered over the top of the bed at the strange furry creature that had frightened him.  
  
"Surprise" yelled Duo "Happy Canada Day!"  
  
"Duo what the fuck is on my bed" yelled Heero still looking at furry creature that had now started to chew at his bedpost.  
  
"It's a beaver silly," said Duo "It's a Canada day present for you"  
  
Heero raised an eyebrow "Duo aren't you American?" he asked  
  
"I am" said Duo "But for the purpose of this fanfic I AM CANADIAN"  
  
Heero grumbled as Duo petted the beaver. It was better not to argue when you were in a fanfic.  
  
"Ok Heero get dressed and then come down stairs'," said Duo who was already running for the stairs " and don't forget your beaver"  
  
Heero grumbled as he dressed throwing the occasional glare at his new pet that was now starting to gnaw at his bedside table. Heero walked over and picked up his beaver "Ok let's get this straight I don't like you" he said  
  
The beaver chirped and nuzzled his chest. Heero grinned in spite of himself It was hard to be mad at something so cute. He hugged the beaver amazed that it was so tame.  
  
"You gave him a what?" yelled Wufie and Quatre together  
  
"A beaver!" said Duo proudly.  
  
" Duo, what possessed you to get Heero a beaver?" asked Quatre  
  
"As a Canada day present" said Duo  
  
"Well knowing Heero his Canada day present is going end up being his Canada day dinner" said Trowa  
  
Duo stuck out his lip "Nuh uh! Heero loves his beaver"  
  
" Heero doesn't love anything," snapped Wufie  
  
"Here he comes," whispered Quatre  
  
When Heero entered the kitchen the mouths of the pilots dropped  
  
"Heero why are you carrying that over grown rat around" demanded Wufie  
  
Heero scowled at Wufie " he's not a rat and his name is Hige" he yelled [a/n its pronounced he-gay]  
  
"Hige?" asked Quatre  
  
"It means 'Whiskers'!" yelled Heero as he started to rummage through the cupboards looking for Hige's breakfast.  
  
"Oh I almost forgot" Yelled Duo "I booked us all flights for Canada" he looked at his watch "and we better get packing our flights leave in an hour" Duo ran to wards his room "GAWK!!!" Trowa grabbed the back of his collar.  
  
"What do you mean we leave in an hour? " He asked calmly  
  
"Duo groaned " I booked as all flights to Canada so I can show you guys Canadian culture"  
  
"Duo there's no way we can make it in less then an hour," said Quatre  
  
"Yeah I guess," said Duo in a pathetic voice  
  
"Duo where'd you get the money?" asked Wufie  
  
"Quatre's credit card"  
  
"What?" screeched Quatre  
  
" But it doesn't matter" sighed Duo "We'll never make it"  
  
"Like hell we WON"T" yelled Quatre "Everyone pack NOW!" he yelled  
  
Everyone scudded out of the kitchen Quatre looked like someone had just switched on the 'zero remote'.  
  
Fifteen minutes later the boys and beaver were running through the airport  
  
"Made it" puffed Duo  
  
"Heero, you know they'll never let you take him on the plane" said Wufie pointing to Hige asleep in Heero's arms  
  
Heero looked at his pet then walked towards the gift shop.  
  
"Wonder what he's planning" said Duo  
  
"Who cares lets just check in" said Quatre who was still quite grumpy  
  
The boys' wher boarding the plane with still no site of Heero.  
  
"Where is he? He's going to miss the flight," said Duo  
  
"That I paid for!" yelled Quatre  
  
"There he is" said Trowa pointing to Heero who was walking up to them a large something in a pink blanket in his arms. They all peered in to the pink bundle.  
  
"Ahhhhh" shrieked Duo as his nose was almost clipped off by pair of orange front teeth. "Heero what the-"  
  
"Please board the plane sirs" interrupted a flight attendant  
  
The boys boarded, Quatre and Duo grumbling. As Heero was boarding the flight smiled at Heero.  
  
"Enjoy the flight sir. You and you're a."  
  
"Baby" grunted Heero.  
  
Now through the magic of fanfiction the pilots stepped into Ottawa international airport in just forty-five minutes.  
  
"I'm HOME" said Duo breathing in a gulp of air and charged through the airport. The rest of the boys followed Heero tugging a frilly pink bonnet from Hige's head.  
  
"I can't believe that woman thought that was a real baby" spat Wufie  
  
" I can't believe she saw a family resemblance between you two," said Trowa. Wufie shot Trowa a look that could have stripped paint.  
  
"Com'on guys" yelled Duo from the door "I got us a ride"  
  
The boys went outside and gasped at least twenty dogsleds were there picking people up and dropping them off.  
  
"Holy shit," cried Quatre  
  
"Yep that's the way of Canadian transportation," said Duo flashing a wide grin  
  
"What happens when the snow melts?" asked Trowa  
  
Duo stared at Trowa wide eyed "Snow melts!?!"  
  
"That is not a hotel!" yelled Wufie.  
  
The boys where standing in front of a massive structure of ice and snow.  
  
""Yes it is" said Duo  
  
"That is an ice cube"  
  
"It's called an igloo and it's the largest one in Canada," said Duo proudly  
  
"Lets argue about our accommodations later," said Trowa "Lets go see the sights"  
  
The boys dropped off their luggage then made their way in to town.  
  
" lookie, lookie cried Duo "We can go in to the museum of Canadian history," cried Duo as he ran to what looked like an over sized log cabin the boys followed.  
  
As they walked Quatre read them a brochure "Lets see there's a show starting in five minutes on the naming of Canada"  
  
"Well lets go," cried Duo running off in the direction of the museum  
  
As they walked down the street Duo pointed things out to the non Canadian pilots "See that's where they sew parkas and that over there is where you can pet the tame grizzly bears and, and oh, oh that's where you can get blubber burgers! Woohoo!!!"  
  
Duo ran off in direction of the blubber stands and the rest of the boys sat down on a bench.  
"Yeah" agreed Trowa "I hear they eat all kinds of things like buffalo, ice fish, seal, even moose"  
  
"Did you say moose!" asked Wufie, his eyes had suddenly gone wide  
  
"Yup or at least they used to. But the new prime minster passed a law making it illegal"  
  
"But I need MOOSE" screamed Wufie  
  
"Hey guys what's up" said Duo as he munched on a slippery piece of fat stuck between a bun"  
  
"Nothing" said Quatre "lets get going"  
  
The boys entered the museum and looked around.  
  
"There's the theater," yelled Duo  
  
They boys crammed into the small seats just as the movie began  
  
Three men where seated in a log cabin all of them were wearing buckskins and coon hats "Hey Bob from Canada" yelled one of the men  
  
"Yes Joe from Canada" answered the second  
  
"We must think of a name for this new country," said Joe from Canada.  
  
" An excellent idea" said Bob from Canada "lets draw letters from a coon cap. Will you let us use your cap Fred from Canada"?  
  
"I'd be honored," said the last man pulling off his cap.  
  
The three men scribbled the letters of the alphabet on scrapes of paper and put them in the coon hat.  
  
"Now lets each draw out one," said Fred from Canada  
  
All three men pulled out a slip of paper and read them out.  
  
"C, eh"  
  
"N, eh"  
  
"D, eh"  
  
"Canada!" they shouted.  
  
Duo sniffed "That was so beautiful"  
  
As the pilots toured the Museum a woman came up to them "Hi I'm Courtney and I'm going to be your tour guide I'll show you all of lovely Canadian history"  
  
"Do we get to eat moose?" asked Wufie desperately  
  
"No" she said  
  
"Ohhhhhh" whined Wufie  
  
'This is was Canada's first vehicle" said Courtney pointing to a large sled "It could harness twenty dogs"  
  
Duo and the rest of the people in their group oh'ed and ah'ed. The rest of the pilots just looked bored.  
  
"And here is the first lumber jack shirt" she said pointing, there were a number of Oh's and cameras flashed  
  
" And this" said Courtney coming up to a glass case "Is the newest item of the Canadian wardrobe The Toque"  
  
Everybody gasped and started taking pictures. Hige chirped.  
  
Courtney looked down and scowled "Beavers are not aloud in here" she said and with that she gave Hige a swift kick. Hige yelped and flew back.  
  
"Uh oh" said Quatre  
  
Heero's eyes blazed and pulled out his gun and shot at Courtney.  
  
"Die bitch DIE" Heero landed a bullet between he puny eyes.  
  
"Shit Heero, Run you guys" yelled Trowa  
  
The boys ran out of the museum beaver in tow.  
  
"But I wanna buy a coon hat" whined Quatre "every Canadian has one"  
  
"Get your daddy to buy you one" said Wufie "run for it"  
  
The boys ran for blocks when they were a good deal away from the museum they collapsed.  
  
"Nice going Heero" mumbled Trowa  
  
"She kicked Hige," yelled Heero stroking his poor beaver  
  
" Heero you cant just go around shooting everyone"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because-"  
  
"Look!" cried interrupting the boys argument Duo "It's the prime minster of Canada"  
  
The boys looked to where the saw a moose on a platform waving and looking very bored  
  
"The prime ministers a MOOSE?" said the boys in unison  
  
"MOOSE!!!!!" screamed Wufie jumping forward and sinking his teeth in to the prime minsters rear end.  
  
The prime minster let out a mighty bellow and many men in official looking men toques rushed forward armed with hockey sticks.  
  
"Oh no not again" moaned Quatre  
  
"The airport" yelled Trowa. The pilots ran off dragging Wufie who still had a mouth full of moose fur.  
  
The next day the boys sat around their kitchen table still yawning from yesterday's events.  
  
"Well were now officially kicked out of Canada," said Trowa throwing a nasty look at Wufie.  
  
"Can it we got bigger problems" said Duo "Here comes Relena"  
  
Relena waltzed in "Oh Heeeeeero" she cooed  
  
All the boys shuddered but Heero grinned  
  
"Don't worry guys," he said, "I got this one covered. ATTACK HIGE!"  
  
Hige launched at Relena's face. Relena screamed and ran. Hige snorted and came back and jumped to Heero's lap. Heero smiled and looked at his friends. Their eyes had gone wide.  
  
"Only Heero's beaver" said Duo  
  
THE END EH!  
Ok, Ok I know it sucked bear with me. A few warnings before I end this fic. Please do not go picking up beavers they will bite your face of, the Prime Minster is NOT a moose so don't send nasty letters to the government, and I'm sorry for all the bad Canadian jokes in Here I hope no one took offense. 


End file.
